Everybody lies
May. 20th, 2009 06:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sroniJournaling story type thing.
Everybody lies.
Even me.
I lied when I said I didn't care anymore.
I lied when I said I wouldn't let you hurt me anymore.
Because the truth is, I still care.
The truth is, I still need you in my life.
The truth is, you've still hurt me so badly that I don't know how I'll ever recover from it.
The truth is, I apparently need you a lot more than you need me.
The truth is, I'm sitting here in the dark, feeling each tear fall down my cheek, trying to cry silently, because I don't want anyone else knowing the misery I'm feeling right now.
The truth is, I miss you.
So I sit here, in the dark, thinking through all these truths, and knowing that if we were to talk again, or if I could go back in time, and not tell the lies, I'd lie again.
Because you don't want the truth.
You want the lie.
So when I'm out in front of other people, I'll paste the smile on my face. I'll laugh. I'll giggle. I'll bounce around. I'll be my usual cheerful self.
Why not? That's always been the mask I wear.
And you were always able to see through it.
But now, when I'm wearing my mask, that's all you'll see.
Because you don't want to let yourself see through it.
The truth is, you don't want to get hurt.
The truth is, I scare you.
The truth is, I make you care when you don't want to care.
So for you, it's easier to believe my lies, and only see my mask.
For you, it's easier to pretend like I really am okay.
For you, it's easier to pretend like you don't care.
On the outside, I'll smile.
On the outside, I'll laugh.
On the outside, I'll giggle.
On the outside, I'll bounce.
On the inside, I'll cry.
On the inside, I'll sob.
On the inside, I'll bite my lip until it bleeds.
On the inside, I'll die.
Everybody lies.
Even me.
I lied when I said I didn't care anymore.
I lied when I said I wouldn't let you hurt me anymore.
Because the truth is, I still care.
The truth is, I still need you in my life.
The truth is, you've still hurt me so badly that I don't know how I'll ever recover from it.
The truth is, I apparently need you a lot more than you need me.
The truth is, I'm sitting here in the dark, feeling each tear fall down my cheek, trying to cry silently, because I don't want anyone else knowing the misery I'm feeling right now.
The truth is, I miss you.
So I sit here, in the dark, thinking through all these truths, and knowing that if we were to talk again, or if I could go back in time, and not tell the lies, I'd lie again.
Because you don't want the truth.
You want the lie.
So when I'm out in front of other people, I'll paste the smile on my face. I'll laugh. I'll giggle. I'll bounce around. I'll be my usual cheerful self.
Why not? That's always been the mask I wear.
And you were always able to see through it.
But now, when I'm wearing my mask, that's all you'll see.
Because you don't want to let yourself see through it.
The truth is, you don't want to get hurt.
The truth is, I scare you.
The truth is, I make you care when you don't want to care.
So for you, it's easier to believe my lies, and only see my mask.
For you, it's easier to pretend like I really am okay.
For you, it's easier to pretend like you don't care.
On the outside, I'll smile.
On the outside, I'll laugh.
On the outside, I'll giggle.
On the outside, I'll bounce.
On the inside, I'll cry.
On the inside, I'll sob.
On the inside, I'll bite my lip until it bleeds.
On the inside, I'll die.
