sroni

( Can’t Help Falling In Love With You )

* * *

Penny Lane is one of my characters for an RP. I was talking to a friend about her this morning, and shared how Penny had found her guitar. I can see her guitar clearly in my mind — it and it’s case are covered in stickers or her writing — in the case of the guitar case, it also has her friends’ writing. Each sticker means something. The peace sign is from her hippy days. The flower is from one of her best friends that told her that she’s like that daisy. Most stickers were given to her by someone. The writing is sayings and such, that either someone said that she wrote on the guitar or the case, or that she read somewhere, and wanted to put it on her baby. She loves her guitar.

So I started writing about that, and the rest of it followed.

As always, critiques are appreciated.

1. Angst

Cattiebrie kicked a rock and watched it bounce before looking bleakly to the horizon. She had to keep going. She had to. Zeke had talked about going back to Bucket Town. Now he couldn't do it. So she had to do it for him.

Her feet were swollen and bleeding from all her walking. Her skin was covered in bruises and cuts and bugs had attacked her voraciously.

She kept putting one foot in front of the other.

I can't do this anymore.

From somewhere inside her, a voice rose up. I can do this one more step.

She took another step.

I can't.

One more step.

She took another step.

She lost count of how many times that repeated, and eventually she stopped the "I can't"s and simply kept telling herself she could take one more step and proving herself right until she no longer could and collapsed for the night.

The next morning, she started the process all over again.

2. AU

Cattiebrie and Zeke sat next to each other on a porch in their rocking chairs, watching the sun go down in a pretty display of colors. She allowed herself to lose herself to the memories of their lives together. When they first met, and the second day they were together they came to a fork in the road and decided to go left instead of right. The day they decided to get hitched. The day she told him she was pregnant, and saw the look of joy in his face. The day she had to tell him through tears that she'd miscarried and they'd cried together. And other memories, flipping through her mind like old photographs.

They'd had a good life.

All because they'd gone left instead of right, even though they didn't know that.

3. Crack

Sam had gone off looking for a stream, so that the three could refill their skins. He was heading back to camp, and had crossed behind a rock, when he heard Orion's voice. "I never realized how hard it could get."

Cattiebrie grunted softly, her voice husky. "It's never the same way twice."

Sam's eyes widened, as he continued to listen.

"What's wrong?"

"Too big. Not fitting." The words came out between huffs of air.

Orion swor softly. "And how are we supposed to fix that?"

"Just keep shoving. We have it aligned with the hole."

When Sam couldn't take his curiousity anymore and peeked behind the boulder, he rolled his eyes when he saw Orion shoving against a bottle, Cattiebrie pushing against a cork.

4. Crossover

Cattiebrie blinked hard when a blue metal box with glass appeared in the middle of the field she was standing in. She approached cautiously, before part of the large box opened outwards like a door and three people, a woman and two men, exited. One of the men was long and stringy, all knobs and angles and planes, and no softness to him. He called the other two "Jack" and "Rose". When the girl opened her mouth to speak, she referred to Awkward Looking Man as "Doctor". The three communicated to each other a little longer, before entering the box again, and the box disappeared.

This was one story Cattiebrie had no intention whatsoever of sharing with anyone.

5. First Time

Cattiebrie licked her lips. "This is my first time." Her words came out in a low whisper, her husky voice carrying to his ears.

"Really? How have you not done this before?" His amusement rode on his voice.

She jerked her shoulders in a hard shrug. "Don't know. Just haven't."

He handed her her shot and watched her face as she tipped her head back, pouring the contents down her throat and grimaced at the taste. "Cheers."

6. Fluff

Cattiebrie didn't feel safe. Kinda ever, really. It's just one of those things, and she'd long since gotten used to it.

But sitting on her rock in silence with Orion was one of those few times. The sun shone bright around them, and some wildflowers were blooming. They were sitting back to back, leaning against each other, and everything just felt right and Cattiebrie knew she was right where she belonged.

She only hoped Orion felt the same way.

7. Humor

Orion blinked slowly, his amber eyes meeting her brown ones. "You're hanging upside down from a tree."

Cattiebrie nodded. "It's relaxing."

"How can hanging upside down be relaxing?"

She smiled. "It's peaceful. And it gives me a fresh perspective on things. Like the fact that Sam has a bald spot."

Sam squawked in outrage as a small smile came to Orion's lips.

8. Hurt/Comfort

Cattiebrie tugged her legs to her chest and ignored the tears plopping onto the knees of her jeans.

Harden yourself. Be a stone. Be a stone.

The tears continued to streak down her face as she cried quietly, almost soundlessly. She'd perfected the art of crying in such a manner years ago, because if she ever cried loud enough to be heard, no matter from how far away, the beatings would be that much worse.

Orion sat down next to her and did what she needed him to do. He sat there quietly, sitting close enough they were touching, but he made no move to embrace her, for the embrace would go against both their natures.

The tears continued to fall, and Cattiebrie absorbed the only touch she could accept without her body freezing up and the fear kicking in and the "Ohgodohgodohgodmustescapenow" rising up in her. This was a non threatening touch. Even something as simple and innocuous as a handshake could cause the fear to overwhelm her.

Except with Orion. Orion was only the second person who could touch her without causing her to get her freak on.

When Sam came back to their little camp, he found the two asleep, sitting down. He smiled to himself, stretched them out next to each other- but still not embracing- and draped a blanket over them before sitting down himself to keep watch over his friends.

9. Action

Cattiebrie muttered a curse. "Raiders." The word came out sharp and terse, and she came out of the tree from her lookout position so fast that it almost looked like falling, and she was pretty sure she left a piece of her leather jacket up in the tree where a hole caught on a branch.

She didn't really care right then. Right in that moment, she had bigger things to deal with than her jacket.

The three of them, she, Orion and Sam, took up their spots behind the rocks, using the big rocks as cover, as they waited for the small group of Raiders to get close enough for them to shoot at.

When it was over, they scavenged the dead raiders for any supplies they might have, before Sam patched them up and they headed away from there for the night, just in case any Raiders came after their comrades.

10. UST

Cattiebrie blinked slowly, realizing she'd been looking into Orion's eyes just a little too long. She felt the blush rise in her face. But she also knew that she didn't necessarily need to say anything to try to fix it- so she didn't. Instead, she simply looked away, and he let her and didn't call her on it.

If she'd had a more innocent childhood, then perhaps she would have said that she had a crush on Orion.

But she hadn't, so she didn't actually know what was going on. All she knew was that she had these thoughts and feelings that she didn't know what to do with-

-but she did know what she wasn't going to do with them, and that was to act on them.

Wow.

So, a few months ago, I found out about a writing contest that I wanted to enter. The issue was that it has to be a complete story under a certain amount of words. My bright idea was to take “Darkest Before Dawn”, my linked drabble series that (in my opinion) is some of the best writing I’ve done, and revamp it.

So I turned it into a full story, rather than a string of drabbles, and combined it with it’s predecessor, “Yesterday’s Echo of Tomorrow’s Scream”.

It worked, but not as well as I was hoping. It just wasn’t gelling.

So I switched it out of third person past (She said type thing) into first person present (I say).

That worked a little better, and I was quite proud of the result.

Then all of a sudden, I remembered Liz Marcs’ remix from last year, and how she told half of it in second person present, to give it that sense of urgency. And it was like the penny dropped for me.

That’s what I needed to do.

I argued. I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t. I’ve never written second person in my life, it always feels awkward, and I hate, hate, HATE writing present tense. I HATE it. As awkward as second person feels to me, present feels about three times more so. (Just to clarify, the second person feeling awkward? I’m talking reading, not writing. The ONLY exception to that is the aforementioned Liz Marcs’ story. But that’s because she’s Liz Marcs and wonderfully talented and has worked her talents and knows the rules of writing so she can break those rules with reason.)

But I finally sat down and did it.

And DAMN, but it’s about ten times better than it was.

Sometimes I hate being right.

I’m going to post both versions, and let people tell me their opinions. I don’t want to be afraid of killing my darlings.

( Second Person Present )

( First Person Present )

This was based off of the song “Everything”, by Lifehouse, and the skit/dance that Water’s Edge did to it.

It can be seen here.

Everything

I was with my best friend, Joshua. I grew up with him. I always knew him. He was always a part of my life. Being with him … There was nothing else like it.

Joy.

Peace.

Love.

Not romantic love. Just love.

He made me feel beautiful. I knew that he honestly believed I was. And since it was him believing, I felt like I was.

We could sit quietly for hours, not saying a single word, and yet saying so much in the silence, simply relaxing in each other’s company. Or we could talk for hours, saying anything and everything.

The days of innocence.

But I was swayed by a pretty face and pretty words. Joshua and I would go everywhere together, and a guy, Devlin, slid in between us, with me hardly noticing. He held his hand out to me, promising to show me beautiful things, and I, idiot that I am, I took it.

The look on Joshua’s face … It was horrible. He looked as though I’d betrayed him.

I didn’t realize at the time that I had. I told myself that he was just a childhood friend, and childhood friends get left in childhood, locked in the box of memories and nostalgia.

I abandoned my oldest and best friend for empty promises and shattered dreams.

I had dreams at night. At first, I thought they were happy dreams. They were of Joshua and I, and we were still friends. Later, though, I viewed them as nightmares. Because I would wake, and the sinking realization would come that they weren’t true. And I’d either throw up or cry. Devin made fun of me when I did that, though. I learned how to hide my emotions behind a glass facade.

Devin left me, after he’d destroyed everything in me. My love, my self-confidence, every shred of every piece of me.

He’d taken me from Joshua.

And I’d let him.

I don’t know why I stayed with Devin in the first place, once I found out that a pretty face doesn’t mean a pretty person.

Yes, I do.

I’d convinced myself that I’d deserved it. I deserved everything he did to me.

I tried to find Joshua again. I couldn’t.

The happy dreams turned to dark dreams. In them, I could see Joshua, but I couldn’t get to him. Devin was always keeping me from him.

I met Jombhala. He took what was left of my tattered self-confidence. He wouldn’t let me get a job, so every bit of money I needed, I had to beg him for, and he would lord it over me. He made me beg. He made me grovel. He threw money away rather than let me have it.

Now in my dreams, Jombhala and Devin were both between me and Joshua. I couldn’t get to Joshua.

Jombhala, too, left me. Left me with nothing. What little self-respect I’d had left, he’d taken with him.

But not before he introduced me to Lindsey.

Lindsey was a party goer. Lived for the weekends, always knew where the best places to go were. I turned to alcohol to banish my pain and misery. When that didn’t work, I tried other things.

Harder things.

Stronger things.

In my dreams, Lindsey, Jombhala and Devin kept me from Joshua. And part of me was glad. I didn’t want Joshua to see me like that.

Lindsey left, too, and took whatever fun in life I’d been able to find with her. I wasn’t fun enough for her.

At one of the parties Lindsey took me to, I met Adorabella. She was beautiful. Had the Nordic ice princess look. Cold, aloof, untouchable. An almost cruel beauty. She was a model. She offered to put me in touch with an agent; felt I had the right stuff to be a model.

I needed a job.

So I took the offer.

I learned how to sashay down the runway.

I learned how to pose for the camera.

I learned how to starve myself. How to make myself throw up.

I never felt that I was pretty enough, was thin enough. I was convinced that one day, people would realize I was ugly.

At night, I would dream. Adorabella, Lindsey, Jombhala, and Devin were all keeping me from Joshua, telling me I didn’t deserve him.

They were right.

I didn’t.

Adorabella, too, left, taking the beauty I could see in life with her.

I was too ugly, too fat for her.

I tried to distract myself from the pain of her leaving by using Kedar, a photographer she and I had worked with.

He found every dark thought I’d had and whispered them back to me.

I was stupid. I was worthless. I was nothing. I’d turned my back on my best friend.

I turned to knives.

If I couldn’t feel better emotionally, why should I be okay physically? I cut myself, pouring my self-loathing and despair into it.

Kedar left, taking any happiness I’d been able to scrounge up.

I sunk even lower.

I had a gun. I was ready to use it.

I had it at my head, my finger on the trigger-

When, in my mind’s eye, I saw a face.

Joshua.

And I decided to fight, but I didn’t know how.

That night, in my dream, I could see Joshua. Kedar, Adorabella, Lindsey, Jombhala and Devin wouldn’t let me get to him. I tried. They threw me on the ground, they beat me up. I’d climb to my feet and get a little closer. He was pulling me towards him, I could almost get to him-

And then they’d pull me away and I was back on the ground. I got back up, struggling and fighting to reach him-

They killed him.

He gave his life for me.

But somehow, he was still alive again, and I was still trying to get to him, and he was still pulling me to him-

I just barely touched a finger. And then he was fighting them all for me, and I could breathe again. I could hear them all fighting behind me. But I couldn’t help. I couldn’t do anything but sit there and breathe.

Then Joshua was helping me to my feet and he gave me the biggest hug I’ve ever gotten.

Then I woke up.

And Joshua was still hugging me.

He was there.

He was really there.

It took me a while to realize he was repeating, over and over again, “I found you. I finally found you.”

I was all sobbed out; my tears had long since drenched his shirt. “But why would you want to find me, after I betrayed you, abandoned you, turned my back on you?”

He wiped my cheeks gently and gave me that Joshua smile. “Davina, don’t you realize I would die for you? I love you. You are my friend. If you want to be my friend, nothing will get between us.”

I clung to him tighter.

He helped me to my feet. “Come on. Let’s get you home. Father told me to bring you to our house for dinner, and to tell you that you’re welcome to move in with us, if you want to. The choice is yours.” He smiled at me again. “I hope you will.”

“But why? Why do you love me this much? I’m ugly. I’m stupid. I’m worthless. I’m nothing. I don’t understand.”

He gripped me in place with his eyes. “You are not. Davi, you’re beautiful. You’re smart. You are valuable. You are something of worth. You are my sister, and I love you. Let’s go. You don’t belong here. You belong home, with family. Let’s get you there.”

END

Okay, so for Valentine's Day, I decorated our apartment at about one in the morning to surprise David and Steph today. And then, today, I drew ten candy hearts, and wrote a story, incorporating the ten words. This is the end result.

Soul Mate

Soul mate. That's a corny phrase and always has been. It's like some sort of throwback to centuries that have come and gone. It implies that there's only one person in the whole world that can make you happy, and I just couldn't go for that theory. I mean, the world is a big place. Who's to say that one person can't live in Australia and their soul mate is in Russia? Not only would they not speak the same language, but they'd probably never meet. Now how would that be fair? I guess that's why I refused to believe in soul mates. I didn't want to be a casualty of love. Okay, so I also have the capacity to be mondo corny. Sue me.

Anyway, all that is background information to explain my reaction when I met my best friend. He was the new boy that wore loud shirts, and I was the girl that was too cool for words, and I knew it. I was also assigned to show him around the school, and get him caught up in Spanish. Yeah, right. Get real. The only reason I was at the top of my spanish class was because I cheated off my friend Justin's papers, and he freaked out on tests, while I'm a lucky guesser. Justin and I had worked out a deal a few years before. I copied his spanish homework, and he copied my math. 'Course, I got the better end of the deal, since I was an A Spanish student, and both of us were flunking math, but... I'm getting off topic. Anyway, I had to show Andy around, and my skin kept prickling around him. And I couldn't stop blushing. I know, I know, I turn red at the drop of a hat (sometimes without the drop or the hat), but still. It was annoying as heck. So I was already on edge that first day, when he said, "Email me?" Gotta give him props for not using a tired old line.

I had a moment where my mouth worked without my brain's permission. "No way. I don't email randome people."

"I'm not a random person."

"You are until I say otherwise. GOt it?"

He nodded. "Yes. You've made that abundantly clear."

That was years ago. That was before he became my best friend. Before we dated. Before we broke up, and before we got back together, and then repeated the process five or six tmes. We were both extremely volatile people.

I woke up this Valentine's Day with candy hears spelling me a message on the coffee table: Miss you. Love me.

Isn't that the sweetest thing? That's my boy. He's only at work, but he does sweet things like that all the time. IT never gets old.

New love? Definately not. Husband and love of my life? Without a doubt. Soul mate? I guess I was lucky that neither of us lived in Russia.

This is actually an exerpt from the same story that my latest 70 Questions is from. I rather like it, and it actually explainse quite a bit about me.

( text )

Hee, hee. I'm going back to writing more... sorta. I'm currently suffering from the debilitating disease known as Writer's Block, also known as "The bane of my existance".

Okay, this is actually for an original character for an original story that I'm writing.

( text )

Dude, go to this site, it’s stinking hilarious. I laughed my head off. It’s very tongue in cheek.

http://members.ozemail.com.au/~imcfadyen/notthenet/fantasy.htm

In other news, I got hit by an unwelcome story, and wrote it in one draft. Here it is. Warning, it’s not my usual thing at all. Despite having written Buffy fanfic for over six years, I’ve never actually tried to write from a vampires stand point. Or a male. Or first person in a long time.

It’s also not a Buffy story. This one is original. Obviously, influenced by Buffy, as well as fanfic authors (most notably