WHee? blah

[sroni]

I am a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad friend. I think I'll move to Australia.

Why am I a bad friend? Because I found out that my best friend is no longer dating his girlfriend. And that knowledge makes me happy. Ecstatic, actually. And why is that? Because she's a bad person? No, that's not it. From what I know of her, she's the kind of girl that I'd pick out for my brother. No, I'm happy for a very selfish reason. If he's not dating anyone, it means that we can date. We've liked each other for almost five full years, and we finally admitted it a year and a few months ago. But he had a girlfriend. He told me that if he wasn't dating her, he'd be dating me.

I don't know how far the break up extends. I mean, are they still still only going to date each other, they're just taking a break from the actively dating type stuff? Or are they actually broken up? On Facebook, he said that he needed new beginnings. Does that mean new relationship beginnings? If it does, then were would I fit in? I wouldn't be a new person to add to his life, so I'm not exactly new, but I would be fulfilling a role that I haven't previously, so I would be new. So, how new does he want? Does he still want me? I mean, it's been six months since we've really communicated. (I've communicated, but his return communications suck. They always have.) It's been eight mongths since we've told each other that we still have feelings for each other. What if things have changed for him? What if he's spent so long trying to get rid of the way he felt about me that he succeeded? What if he's moved on? Well, the answers to all four of those "what if"s are really simple: then we wouldn't date.

I know that I love him. I have for over a year. I've been heading towards that for almost five years. But what if he's not? What if he never is? It would hurt. A lot. But so has this last more than a year. Which will hurt more? Knowing that we like each other, but can't do anything about it becuase he's with another girl that he loves? Or loving him, knowing he doesn't love me like that?

Comments

Without Going Into Detail. . .

[eilandesq.livejournal.com]

. . .about the rather sporadic history of *my* love life, let me suggest that you've already got one of the harder parts out of the way: he's aware that you have feelings for him and vice versa, even if some of the details are hazy and complicated by the fact he's been in a relationship with someone else. You've known him for a long time, and you probably have a pretty good idea about how much space he'll need at a time like this: if you think that he's not going to be traumatized by a direct question to him--tell him what you're thinking (of course, if he's reading this, the question will be redundant, but what the heck. :-) ). If he's got a good head on his shoulders, he'll appreciate the honesty and at least give the issues on your mind some careful thought--and the fact that there's some physical distance between you might keep things a tad less explosive than they would be otherwise.


Your last question is a tough one. I fell in love with a classmate of mine in law school, and we became good friends and kept in contact for years afterward, without my ever saying "the words" to her (she knew I was attracted to her, but for all I know that just meant she knew I had functioning eyeballs). In contrast to your (perfectly understandable) "selfish" reaction of being glad that your friend is apparently no longer attached, I always felt more comfortable around her when she was involved with someone, because I could simply enjoy being around her without feeling cowardly for not sticking my neck out and telling her how I really felt (as far as what she wanted for a long-term relationship, we were pretty much as incompatible as could conceivably be possible barring a bad experience with transformation magic: love may not be blind, but it can be a tad whimsical). I guess the real question is: how badly do you want to know the answer to the question you want to ask him? It's not risk-free, and the downside might involve being miserable for a while. . .but at least you won't have to wonder twenty years from now what the answer would have been.


Of course, as I suggested above, my love life has been far from epic, so take my comments for whatever value you might find in them and them and follow your best judgment. May good fortune and happy endings be your destiny. :-)