Argh. Just... Argh.

Okay, everyone has their own happy place. Happy places are good. Happy places are places people go when they get pissed.

But what do you do when your happy place is the place that is making you upset?

For me, my Happy Place is Ambassadors of Liberty, the RP site that I helped create.

Yes. Helped create. So you'd think that my opinion and input should actually, you know, count for something? Be listened to? Keep in mind that the other two people that created the site are the people that I was living with this time last year.

In other words, my good friends.

The problem is, every time I suggest something, I get shot down. This is not hyperbole. Every time. The only time I suggested something and it was implemented was when I went over their heads and posted it up for a vote in the staff forum anyway, and enough staff voted my way. Then, they took it to the entire forums, and were decidedly not happy when eight people voted my way, three voted "don't really care" and three voted their way- two of them being them.

And then the plan was immediately taken out of my hands and put in someone else's. Keep in mind that when it was decided to take it to the forum, they wanted that other person to be the one to do it. Luckily, the other person really went to bat for me and said in no uncertain terms, "This is Roni's baby. She's been working on it for the last four months, figuring out the possible bugs and how to overcome them. She gets to explain it to people."

The thing is, I don't suggest things because I like to be in charge. I actually hate being in charge. But I do like things to be organized. And neat. And understandable. And I like to be fair to everyone, not just... the creators.

This new issue is all kinds of fun, and I'll try to explain succinctly, but actually be understandable.

We have an "event mission" going on for October. Which means that all the Stargate Atlantis characters are participating. Yay! The problem? I'm in charge of the Atlantis RP- yeah, in charge, and I have no clue what is going to happen in the Event. No big. Whatever. I can handle it. So we have four threads about the Event- one that's an overview of what all three teams will be doing, and one individual thread for each team.

Okay. Makes sense.

So, what I thought we were doing was this: we start off in the overview thread, then split off into the individual threads, and then rejoin the overview thread. With links and everything, explaining where people went.

Turns out what we're doing is starting off in AR2's thread, splitting off into the individual threads while AR2 continues in their thread- dealing with two pages of posts that don't have any bearing on them whatsoever- and then rejoin AR2's thread for the end.

Now, keep in mind that... we never finish missions at the same time. The last event we had was a Stargate RP one. One mission finished within three days. One finished in two weeks. Another one finished in another week. And the last two finished after a month and a half and two months.

So, doing it this way? Is going to cause people to either have nothing to do while other people finish up their missions, or cause people to post superfluously into a mission that is ongoing.

That is issue number one.

Issue number two is, anyone who joins in the future and rereads past missions is going to be so beyond lost with this. Fifteen people start off in one thread! Cool! Massive mission! Wait... ten people just disappeared, and I'm following these five... okay. That's kinda cool, but what the heck happened to the other people? And now, the ten are back, and they're being chased by dinosaurs? Do what now? What the heck happened and why don't I know about it?

The easy fix, that I can see quite simply is, move things from AR2 thread into the Overview thread, then allow people to post in their individual threads. It would take me all of five minutes to change it, if that. Let people do their missions, and when their missions end, allow them to post in the Overview thread again. That way, every team isn't hinging on all the other teams.

Very simple, right? Makes sense, right? Makes things nice and neat and easy to follow, for people dealing with now, and the people who join in the future, right?

I suggested it in the chatbox, because I honestly thought it would be a two minute conversation tops. "Hey, Sai, want me to move the posts into the Overview thread to make things nice and neat and simple for everyone?" "Sure, thanks!"

Instead, it turned into an hour of me arguing my point, and Sai saying "No." No explanation for it, simply no.

And then her husband came in when someone else started talking saying, "Um... kinda with Roni here..." and Spade said, "This shouldn't be discussed in the chatbox, shame on you, Roni for even bringing it up here, I'm deleting the chatbox messages."

Leaving me kind of gobsmacked.

As well as the other two people in the chatbox, that joined because they're my friends and I told them about this really cool site where people are all kinds of nice, and when I accidentally destroyed a keyboard, one of the guys in England bought and paid for one to be sent to me, because we take care of our own. So my two friends are messaging me in private, going, "What the hell just happened?" "Um... that's the type of argument that we have, when I actually argue." "Seriously? That wasn't an argument. That was simply not listening to you, and shutting you down for no reason."

The thing is, that's how just about every single one of our arguments goes. It doesn't matter where it takes place- msn, the staff forums, PM's, the chatbox- it's not the right place. And no matter what I say, if I don't have staff members on with me at the time, where we can all be arguing it together, I don't get listened to by these two. I get completely shut down, no arguments given, just that I am wrong.

And frankly, it's pissing me off to no end. I feel hurt and disrespected and spent most of my day curled up in the closet because of comments made by Sai- who I usually count as one of my best friends.

And I'm contemplating leaving my Happy Place over this. I love it there, though. I love it, and I love the RPs, and I love being able to help plan- when I'm allowed to- and I love the other people there.

But I am getting to the point where I can not handle Sai and Spade anymore, and that makes me want to cry.

Resolved Argh

Or at least, mostly. I linked one of my friends that's on AoL staff to this post, and he decided that I'd been clear cut with my reasonings, my reasonings made sense, and there was no good reason to not do it.

So I asked if he'd be willing to conference with me and Sai, and we could hopefully get it taken care of. She doesn't see the need for it, didn't see it last night, still doesn't see it. To her brain, things were fine as it was, and she didn't see how using the Overview thread as the start and stop place would make things any better, and I came in, wanting to mess things around and throwing a temper tantrum when I didn't get my way (when Spade came into the chatbox and deleted the argument, I shut the computer and cleaned the kitchen because I had to get away).

She still doesn't see the need, but now that another staff member is saying, "No, this really will make things easier to understand in the long run" she's willing to concede the point.

Which, okay, annoys me slightly- why should it take another person to get her to agree? But I try to tell myself that it's not that it's coming from someone not me, but that it's coming from more than one person.

Same friend also made her and I finally talk about the underlying issues, and we've agreed to try to see things from each other's viewpoints more often. She'll try to listen to me, and give reasons for saying no, and I'll try to not get so emotional I hide in the closet.