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WHee? blah
Mar. 1st, 2007 11:30 amI am a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad friend. I think I'll move to Australia.
Why am I a bad friend? Because I found out that my best friend is no longer dating his girlfriend. And that knowledge makes me happy. Ecstatic, actually. And why is that? Because she's a bad person? No, that's not it. From what I know of her, she's the kind of girl that I'd pick out for my brother. No, I'm happy for a very selfish reason. If he's not dating anyone, it means that we can date. We've liked each other for almost five full years, and we finally admitted it a year and a few months ago. But he had a girlfriend. He told me that if he wasn't dating her, he'd be dating me.
I don't know how far the break up extends. I mean, are they still still only going to date each other, they're just taking a break from the actively dating type stuff? Or are they actually broken up? On Facebook, he said that he needed new beginnings. Does that mean new relationship beginnings? If it does, then were would I fit in? I wouldn't be a new person to add to his life, so I'm not exactly new, but I would be fulfilling a role that I haven't previously, so I would be new. So, how new does he want? Does he still want me? I mean, it's been six months since we've really communicated. (I've communicated, but his return communications suck. They always have.) It's been eight mongths since we've told each other that we still have feelings for each other. What if things have changed for him? What if he's spent so long trying to get rid of the way he felt about me that he succeeded? What if he's moved on? Well, the answers to all four of those "what if"s are really simple: then we wouldn't date.
I know that I love him. I have for over a year. I've been heading towards that for almost five years. But what if he's not? What if he never is? It would hurt. A lot. But so has this last more than a year. Which will hurt more? Knowing that we like each other, but can't do anything about it becuase he's with another girl that he loves? Or loving him, knowing he doesn't love me like that?
Why am I a bad friend? Because I found out that my best friend is no longer dating his girlfriend. And that knowledge makes me happy. Ecstatic, actually. And why is that? Because she's a bad person? No, that's not it. From what I know of her, she's the kind of girl that I'd pick out for my brother. No, I'm happy for a very selfish reason. If he's not dating anyone, it means that we can date. We've liked each other for almost five full years, and we finally admitted it a year and a few months ago. But he had a girlfriend. He told me that if he wasn't dating her, he'd be dating me.
I don't know how far the break up extends. I mean, are they still still only going to date each other, they're just taking a break from the actively dating type stuff? Or are they actually broken up? On Facebook, he said that he needed new beginnings. Does that mean new relationship beginnings? If it does, then were would I fit in? I wouldn't be a new person to add to his life, so I'm not exactly new, but I would be fulfilling a role that I haven't previously, so I would be new. So, how new does he want? Does he still want me? I mean, it's been six months since we've really communicated. (I've communicated, but his return communications suck. They always have.) It's been eight mongths since we've told each other that we still have feelings for each other. What if things have changed for him? What if he's spent so long trying to get rid of the way he felt about me that he succeeded? What if he's moved on? Well, the answers to all four of those "what if"s are really simple: then we wouldn't date.
I know that I love him. I have for over a year. I've been heading towards that for almost five years. But what if he's not? What if he never is? It would hurt. A lot. But so has this last more than a year. Which will hurt more? Knowing that we like each other, but can't do anything about it becuase he's with another girl that he loves? Or loving him, knowing he doesn't love me like that?
