I liked what you did with this story, but I wanted to save extensive comment until I’d had a chance to evaluate it against the original in a paragraph-to-paragraph comparison. I’ve done that now, so here goes.
To begin with, you made a choice to follow the source story very closely. Very closely. This is one of the options — I’ve seen a number of people at remix_redux debating just how far afield it was appropriate to go — and perfectly legitimate in itself. Especially as regards dialogue: practically all of the dialogue was verbatim or nearly so. Again, one of the options.
Once I subtracted the mirrored dialogue, though, it was still clear that nearly 45% of the story — not the plot, pacing, or scene order, but the actual language — was either directly from the source or clearly comparable, to a degree that would be considered blatant plagiarism anywhere except a remix. Again, I stress that following the source so closely was a valid choice. As someone with an interest in your development as a writer, though, I would be interested in what you would do if you went back and did another version, this time as if it were your own idea and you wanted to follow your own direction on it.
The work that was clearly original, was all decently done. More telling, you’d made small touches here and there in the narrative that set the stage, so that when you instituted your single major departure (the scene where Buffy asks Giles about historical Slayer/Watcher interaction, then declares her feelings, and he insists on deferring the matter until some less critical time), it not only made sense within the overall framework, but transitioned seamlessly to the closing scenes that mirrored the original. That was skillfully done, and I’m impressed.
This is not, I think, the best thing you’ve ever done. It’s up there among the best, though. Do more, and keep stretching yourself. I’m pleased.
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branchandroot
(no subject)
Date: 2007-05-10 01:17 am (UTC)To begin with, you made a choice to follow the source story very closely. Very closely. This is one of the options — I’ve seen a number of people at
Once I subtracted the mirrored dialogue, though, it was still clear that nearly 45% of the story — not the plot, pacing, or scene order, but the actual language — was either directly from the source or clearly comparable, to a degree that would be considered blatant plagiarism anywhere except a remix. Again, I stress that following the source so closely was a valid choice. As someone with an interest in your development as a writer, though, I would be interested in what you would do if you went back and did another version, this time as if it were your own idea and you wanted to follow your own direction on it.
The work that was clearly original, was all decently done. More telling, you’d made small touches here and there in the narrative that set the stage, so that when you instituted your single major departure (the scene where Buffy asks Giles about historical Slayer/Watcher interaction, then declares her feelings, and he insists on deferring the matter until some less critical time), it not only made sense within the overall framework, but transitioned seamlessly to the closing scenes that mirrored the original. That was skillfully done, and I’m impressed.
This is not, I think, the best thing you’ve ever done. It’s up there among the best, though. Do more, and keep stretching yourself. I’m pleased.