sroni

. . .about the rather sporadic history of *my* love life, let me suggest that you've already got one of the harder parts out of the way: he's aware that you have feelings for him and vice versa, even if some of the details are hazy and complicated by the fact he's been in a relationship with someone else. You've known him for a long time, and you probably have a pretty good idea about how much space he'll need at a time like this: if you think that he's not going to be traumatized by a direct question to him--tell him what you're thinking (of course, if he's reading this, the question will be redundant, but what the heck. :-) ). If he's got a good head on his shoulders, he'll appreciate the honesty and at least give the issues on your mind some careful thought--and the fact that there's some physical distance between you might keep things a tad less explosive than they would be otherwise.


Your last question is a tough one. I fell in love with a classmate of mine in law school, and we became good friends and kept in contact for years afterward, without my ever saying "the words" to her (she knew I was attracted to her, but for all I know that just meant she knew I had functioning eyeballs). In contrast to your (perfectly understandable) "selfish" reaction of being glad that your friend is apparently no longer attached, I always felt more comfortable around her when she was involved with someone, because I could simply enjoy being around her without feeling cowardly for not sticking my neck out and telling her how I really felt (as far as what she wanted for a long-term relationship, we were pretty much as incompatible as could conceivably be possible barring a bad experience with transformation magic: love may not be blind, but it can be a tad whimsical). I guess the real question is: how badly do you want to know the answer to the question you want to ask him? It's not risk-free, and the downside might involve being miserable for a while. . .but at least you won't have to wonder twenty years from now what the answer would have been.


Of course, as I suggested above, my love life has been far from epic, so take my comments for whatever value you might find in them and them and follow your best judgment. May good fortune and happy endings be your destiny. :-)