Another Story

[sroni]

Below the Surface
by SRoni

Spoilers: All of Buffy.

Disclaimers: Don’t own any of it. Don’t care. I just play with them, Joss Whedon owns them, he gets paid for them, I’m just borrowing. Don’t sue me, I don’t even have pocket lint since I don’t have pockets.


She was angry enough that it happened without her thinking about it. Before she knew it, his cheek had a red handprint, and he was looking at her with that infuriating look of acceptance in his eyes. Her anger, combined with his look, and the surprisingly satisfying tingle of her hand had her pulling back for a second swing. He snagged her wrist before she could cause him any more pain. “Don’t. I understand that you’re mad, and I deserved the first one. But beating me up won’t make you feel better tomorrow.”

“Maybe not,” she snarled as she started to swing her other hand, “but I’ll feel a helluva lot better now, which will help for tomorrow.”

He caught that wrist neatly as well, and held her there. “Xander …” She heard the almost-whimper in her voice, her response to the look that had replaced the calmness. He ignored her, and captured her mouth with his. At first, all thoughts flew out of her head. They came back as she bit down on his lip and raked her shoe down his shin, using the heel of her stiletto.

He gasped in pain, and pulled away. “What the hell was that for?” She could see the tension in his arms that made it clear he was barely refraining from massaging his shin.

Yeah, well, that was okay by her. Let him hurt. Now he’d know what her heart felt like. “Don’t. You. EVER. Do that again. Don’t ever kiss me out of anger. I am not some thing to be won, or a prize to claim. Do you understand me?” He nodded, an apology written on his face. She felt the fire drain out of her eyes. “Good. Long as we got that straight.” Then she threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck as she kissed him thoroughly.

He pulled away, both of them breathless, and leaned his forehead against hers. “Dawnie …” She could hear it in his voice.

“Don’t you dare tell me you regret that.”

“Dawnie, you’re like my sister. I took you to ballet class —”

“You saved my life more times than I can count —”

“— I’ve never thought about you in any other way.”

“Oh, yeah?” she challenged. When he nodded (lying through his teeth, no doubt about it), she leaned in until her lips tickled his ear, and said in a breathy imitation of Willow, “Right there with ya.”

He recoiled, obviously not expecting to hear that. “How did you —?”

“Buffy’s diary. She was really upset that both of her best friends had the hots for her baby sister before they realized who it was.”

“Yeah, well, what can I say? You’d never dressed like that before. Or looked like that at all. It was …”

“What?” she challenged again.

“Honestly?” She nodded, and he went on. “It was terrifying. All of a sudden, I realized that you’d grown out of this little box that I’d always put you in. You didn’t belong there anymore, and I couldn’t make you fit back in. I didn’t know what to do with it. I didn’t know what to do about you.”

“Sounds like you still don’t. What was the plan?”

“Ignore it.”

“How’s that working for you?” She held up her hand, cutting him off. “Sorry, that was uncalled for. Nope. That’s not going to work. Not anymore. I won’t let you.”

He bristled. “What do you mean, you’re not going to let me?”

“Exactly what I said. I’m not going to let you convince yourself that this was a fluke. It’s wasn’t. It’s not. Dammit, Xander, you haven’t even looked at a girl since Anya died.”

“In case you haven’t notice, Dawnie, the eye thing? Not a big turn-on. Strangely enough, I tend to get a bit wary about giving a pretty lady the eye, when I’m already down in that department.”

“You always sucked at playing BS. It shows every time you try. Like now.”

“I’d roll my eyes, but you’d only get half the effect.”

“Shut up, Xander. I mean it. You know, I used to have the biggest crush on you. It must have been weird, but you handled it great. You never let on that you knew, but you made sure to keep the boundaries clear. And don’t even try to tell me you were clueless about it. I was pretty obvious about it, and you’re not an idiot.”

“I sense a ‘but’ the size of Texas here.”

“But, all that never went away. It just changed. I got to the point where I’d rather you be with Anya than alone. Then you called off the wedding. I was so mad at you. Not for hurting Anya, although that part sucked, but because it was so obvious that you were miserable without her. And I realized the only reason you would put both of you through that was if you thought you were protecting her. It finally hit me that you were protecting her from you.” She glared at him. “Moron. She knew what she was getting into. She’d been around a while. She’d seen all kinds of jerks. She knew that you weren’t one of them. But you didn’t trust her. Didn’t trust her judgement. Why?”

“It’s not really fair to blindside a guy who really does have a blind side.”

“That’s not an answer, and you know it.”

“Why are you pushing this now?”

She evaded his gaze. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve let this go for more than a year. Why now?”

“You’ve been hurting for a long time. I didn’t know how to fix it. I thought I’d just make things worse. But now … I can’t not do anything now.”

If Xander were capable of sneering, he’d be doing it now. “And why is that?”

“Because now it’s hurting me. Seeing you like this is killing me. Don’t interrupt me. If I don’t say this now, it might never get said. You asked me a couple of months ago why I never dated anyone. Answer? because you and Giles set some pretty high standards for me. I’d seen some of the best guys, and I’m not going to settle for anything less. When we fight together, and almost everyone else thinks, ‘We’re not going to get out of this one alive’, I’m not afraid for myself. I trust you, totally and completely. I know that you’re not going to let anything happen to me. You’d die first. I also know that you’re like that with everyone. And I’m terrified that one day, it’s going to happen, and you’re not going to come back. You throw everything you’ve got into every single fight, and you’ve probably racked up the most concussions and the most broken bones of any of us. But that doesn’t stop you from putting everything you’ve got back into the next fight. That last day in Sunnydale, Buffy asked you to protect me because she knew you would. She knew that almost every other Scooby would come rushing to save her if she got hurt, but that you’d stick beside me and make sure I got out alive, simply because she asked you to.”

When she paused, he took the opportunity to interrupt. “While you’re making my ego feel good, I don’t think you see the whole picture.”

She interrupted right back. “No. You don’t have the real picture. Sometimes, you make me so mad. You can see everything else around you so clearly, but you can’t see yourself as you really are.”

“What am I, then? If you can see me so well.”

She shrugged it off and spoke simply. “You’re a superhero.”

He gave a half laugh. “Which one? Let me guess. Cyclops.”

She punched his shoulder. “No. You’re Batman —”

“I’m pretty sure that honor goes to Bruce Wayne, and Bruce Wayne I ain’t.”

She continued on, ignoring the interruption. “You’re the normal one who the entire Justice League respects, and some even fear. Batman beat Superman, twice. You beat Willow when she was jacked up on magic and pain. You beat the zombie gang that was trying to blow up the school. You did that. No one else. So why are you so convinced you can’t do anything right?”

“What exactly are you trying to say? I get the feeling this was a tangent.”

“It was.” She took a deep breath, and he just watched her, waiting for what she had to say. “Here goes nothing,” she muttered to herself, and then said it flatly. “I love you, you idiot. And while I don’t think I’m the best you can do, I’m pretty damn good if I do say so myself, which I do.”

“Dawnie —”

“You could do a lot worse than me —”

“Dawnie —”

“— and you know it.”

“Dawnie —”

“You know I’m right. Don’t try arguing with me.”

“DAWN!”

“What?”

“I’m not arguing.”

That stopped her cold. “You’re what?”

“I’m not arguing with you.” He was giving her the same look that had infuriated her earlier, but now was calming her down. “But … why?”

She understood what he was asking. “Because you’re the best guy I know. You’ve been fighting alongside Buffy since Day One. You’ve always treated me with respect, and never made me feel like I was an annoying kid, even when I was. You were the only person besides Mom to not pull away from me when you found out I wasn’t really Buffy’s sister. I’ve known you for nine years, and during that time, I’ve worked up a major crush on you, and then had it change. You’re my best friend.” She grinned. “I love you. So get used to it.”


END


Love it. Hate it. I don’t care. Just let me know. And props to draconin, who helped me in a major big way on some Xander responses. If anyone catches some serious errors (like spelling and grammar) let me know; I’m too tired to catch them right now, and LJ spellcheck is giving me a headache.