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Experiment
I really want to try a story where I do self-insertion, without making the “me” into a Mary Sue. This is my try for it. I figure that enough people here know me in real life to call me on it, and at the same time, enough people know me over the net to call me on the other things.
I’m going to do BtVS, simply because I don’t want to make it a huge long deal. I just want to see if I can do it. The main characters (besides myself) is Xander, because … well, I just like Xander, and Dawn, because she’s the closest to my age (I’m about a year older). Some details about me will be changed (such as, I’m going to be a college student), just to make how I know these people easier.
Here goes nothing.
My friend is gorgeous. Fact of life. You’d better believe I’m used to all the guys looking at her first. I mean, I know that I’m not much to look at in comparison to her; curves, sure, while she’s a toothpick. But I’m shorter than her by a good five inches, and outweigh her by 25 pounds-ish. My reddish hair never does what I want it to; half the time, I get fed up and pull it into a ponytail. Or at least I did, before I decided to cut it. Dawn says my hair is bitchin’, and looks like an eighties rock goddess, so that makes me feel better, but it still winds up in a ponytail more often than not. I guess the thing that makes guys look twice about me is my eyes. I like them, anyway, even if sometimes I think they’re too big. Then I realize I’m being a dummy. I have issues with self-confidence a lot. In short, she’s the girl that stands out, and I’m the one that’s invisible. The only things that have kept me from being overlooked at this college are my brains, and my friendship with Dawn. That would have been true in high school, except I was homeschooled, and in middle school, I was picked on all the time. I learned how to become invisible as a defense mechanism, and now I don’t know how to stop. It’s one of my things. I think I’m entirely unremarkable, and people won’t remember me. Self-confidence issues, I’m telling you.
So imagine my surprise when she invites me to her house for a study date, since both of us are in danger of failing math, and all we can do is practice. Okay, I’m not actually going to fail, but I might get a B on the test, and I really don’t want to. She said that she has a lot of smart people at her house who can explain where we screwed up, so I accepted. Sorry, that wasn’t the surprising part. No, the surprise came where every single person in that house was just as gorgeous, or more, than she is. There’s her older sister, who’s tiny. I mean, even shorter than me type tiny. She looks fragile, but at the same time, like she can take care of herself. Weird, I know, but I’m pretty good at making snap judgments of people. This one girl, Faith, exuded sex. Funny, but I think that a few years ago, I could have made myself look like a younger version of her with enough make up, until the bone structure in my face changed. ’Course, I would have come across looking like a teenage prostitute, but then again, so does she, without the teenage part. And on, and on with the gorgeousness. And then I met him.
Now, keep in mind, I think I’m an introvert. I really don’t handle groups of new people very well. I also don’t handle meeting new guys well. I’m a very accomplished babbler, and I only have two modes of communication with new people: none, and babble. And when we were with the group, it was none. When the group left, and it was just me, Dawn, and Xander (and yes, it is “me” and not “I”), it switched into babble mode. Then again, that could have had something to do with the alcohol we’d partaken of. We’d imbibed quite a bit.
Oh, Lordy, he was hot. Like, really hot. The eye patch added to it. Lent him an air of danger. Normally, I’m not one for the danger. I mean, I’ve never gone for the bad boys, and I’ve always thought the girls who did were idiots. But it was obvious in the way that he treated Dawn that he was a sweet heart. And I also knew I didn’t have a chance. Not with all those gorgeous girls in that house. Didn’t stop me from trying to impress him. Doesn’t work so well when you’ve imbibed a hell of a lot of vodka. That’s another of my things. I tend to have verbal diarrhea, where the words just keep coming out of my mouth (or out of my brain) and they just keep getting bigger, longer, and more interesting. I might not use all of them correctly, and that’s a shame. Another of my defense mechanisms. When I’m invisible, I try to make people notice me by proving that I’m smart. I don’t need to. They either know that I’m smart, or they don’t. If they don’t, I can’t prove it to them by making them feel inadequate. They just won’t like me that way, which basically defeats the whole purpose.
“So, how’d you get the patch?” Oh, man, please tell me that wasn’t my voice.
He and Dawn shared a look, and I felt my stomach drop a little lower. “I had an accident. Wasn’t hurt, except for the eye.”
“Wow, that was lucky. I mean, not lucky, since you lost an eye, but still lucky, since you weren’t hurt beyond that.” Talent for babbling, I told you.
“Wow, you could give Will a run for her money in the babbling arena.” He was smiling. At least he was smiling. And what a smile.
“Defense mechanism. I have a lot of those. If anyone got mad at me, I could babble, and they’d find it cute, and not be mad. Either that, or get more irritated. It was my way of getting people to smile. Now I have no idea how to turn it off, and words just keep coming out of my mouth. You’d think I’d be able to keep my mouth closed, and that would stop it, but somehow, it never works.” Like now.
He and Dawn are laughing. Not at me, I can tell. I told you, I can make snap judgments. One of those is when someone’s laughing at me, or making fun of me to be mean. It’s a feeling in the air, or something. I can’t explain it. I just know. I’m perceptive about some things, and oblivious to others.
He stood and stretched. “Well, I should let you two get back to your studying. What is it again?”
“I’m learning how to do algebra. My mom taught me how, and … well, she’s better at math than she thinks she is. She has to be, since she’s a nurse. But because she thought she couldn’t teach me, she couldn’t. Self fulfilling prophecy, and all that. So I wound up screwed in the math department of life.”
“Math, the bane of my existence. That’s why I never went to class.”
“And why you would have flunked, if Will hadn’t let you copy her homework.” Dawn reminded him.
“Good point. Flunking bad. I’m all for not flunking.”
“You and me both. It’s my goal to graduate with a 4.0. Long as I don’t screw up on the tests, I’ll make it. Only way to make sure I don’t screw up on the test, is to keep doing the formulas. Time limit, and all that.”
“Good luck with that. I’m heading out on patrol.” Dawn glared at him. “I mean, I’m heading out with some of the girls. It was nice meeting you, Roni.” I agreed, and he left, with Dawn still glaring at him.
As soon as he was through the door, I whimpered and banged my head against the table. “Stupid idiot.” Dawn grabbed my head and made me stop banging. It was probably giving her a headache. I know it was giving me one. Funny how that works.
“What’s going on? I’ve never seen you like that.”
“Yeah, that’s because you’ve never seen me try to converse with a hot guy. I generally don’t, for this reason.”
A grin spread across her face. “Xander made you freak out?”
“Butterflies in the stomach, throat, and flying out of my mouth, and everything.” I admitted. “I always do this. I meet a guy, I either don’t talk enough, or I talk too much, and I wind up as the younger brother they never had. Or as one guy put it, the younger brother they never had, except I’m older.”
“You grew up as one of the guys, didn’t you?” She took another shot of vodka.
“Yup. Climbing trees, climbing roofs, playing football, the whole nine yards. There weren’t a lot of girls in most of my neighborhoods, and my brother and I had active imaginations. He didn’t want to do the girly things, so we wound up doing the guy-type things. Most of my friends were guys, simply because … well, I didn’t like a lot of the girls I knew. I guess I saw them as competition, to be honest. So, to impress the guys, I did more of the football and climbing things. And found myself firmly implanted in the guy zone. At this point, I’m not exactly sure how to be an actual girl.”
“You’re a girl. You don’t have to do the girly things to be a girl. Look at Buffy. She’s a great fighter, and she’s a girl. ’Course, besides the fighting, she’s a girly girl. But still. Point is, just by being, you know, female, you’re a girl. And if any guy tells you otherwise, punch them in the nose.”
Okay, now I really was feeling like a girl, and had too much alcohol to fight back the urge to ask, so the words were out of my mouth without a second thought. Yeah, like alcohol has ever stopped me from asking this. “Do you think that maybe Xander might … kinda sorta … possibly ever go for a girl like me?”
“I think he’d be a moron not to. Then again, he’s never noticed me, either, except in the little sister capacity.” She shrugged.
“That seals it then. I have no chance.” I shrugged morosely, and had another shot of vodka.
There. Experiment over.
Oh, and my Faith/Xander present for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
aadler, bastardsnow, and nemo_gravis is done.
I’m going to do BtVS, simply because I don’t want to make it a huge long deal. I just want to see if I can do it. The main characters (besides myself) is Xander, because … well, I just like Xander, and Dawn, because she’s the closest to my age (I’m about a year older). Some details about me will be changed (such as, I’m going to be a college student), just to make how I know these people easier.
Here goes nothing.
My friend is gorgeous. Fact of life. You’d better believe I’m used to all the guys looking at her first. I mean, I know that I’m not much to look at in comparison to her; curves, sure, while she’s a toothpick. But I’m shorter than her by a good five inches, and outweigh her by 25 pounds-ish. My reddish hair never does what I want it to; half the time, I get fed up and pull it into a ponytail. Or at least I did, before I decided to cut it. Dawn says my hair is bitchin’, and looks like an eighties rock goddess, so that makes me feel better, but it still winds up in a ponytail more often than not. I guess the thing that makes guys look twice about me is my eyes. I like them, anyway, even if sometimes I think they’re too big. Then I realize I’m being a dummy. I have issues with self-confidence a lot. In short, she’s the girl that stands out, and I’m the one that’s invisible. The only things that have kept me from being overlooked at this college are my brains, and my friendship with Dawn. That would have been true in high school, except I was homeschooled, and in middle school, I was picked on all the time. I learned how to become invisible as a defense mechanism, and now I don’t know how to stop. It’s one of my things. I think I’m entirely unremarkable, and people won’t remember me. Self-confidence issues, I’m telling you.
So imagine my surprise when she invites me to her house for a study date, since both of us are in danger of failing math, and all we can do is practice. Okay, I’m not actually going to fail, but I might get a B on the test, and I really don’t want to. She said that she has a lot of smart people at her house who can explain where we screwed up, so I accepted. Sorry, that wasn’t the surprising part. No, the surprise came where every single person in that house was just as gorgeous, or more, than she is. There’s her older sister, who’s tiny. I mean, even shorter than me type tiny. She looks fragile, but at the same time, like she can take care of herself. Weird, I know, but I’m pretty good at making snap judgments of people. This one girl, Faith, exuded sex. Funny, but I think that a few years ago, I could have made myself look like a younger version of her with enough make up, until the bone structure in my face changed. ’Course, I would have come across looking like a teenage prostitute, but then again, so does she, without the teenage part. And on, and on with the gorgeousness. And then I met him.
Now, keep in mind, I think I’m an introvert. I really don’t handle groups of new people very well. I also don’t handle meeting new guys well. I’m a very accomplished babbler, and I only have two modes of communication with new people: none, and babble. And when we were with the group, it was none. When the group left, and it was just me, Dawn, and Xander (and yes, it is “me” and not “I”), it switched into babble mode. Then again, that could have had something to do with the alcohol we’d partaken of. We’d imbibed quite a bit.
Oh, Lordy, he was hot. Like, really hot. The eye patch added to it. Lent him an air of danger. Normally, I’m not one for the danger. I mean, I’ve never gone for the bad boys, and I’ve always thought the girls who did were idiots. But it was obvious in the way that he treated Dawn that he was a sweet heart. And I also knew I didn’t have a chance. Not with all those gorgeous girls in that house. Didn’t stop me from trying to impress him. Doesn’t work so well when you’ve imbibed a hell of a lot of vodka. That’s another of my things. I tend to have verbal diarrhea, where the words just keep coming out of my mouth (or out of my brain) and they just keep getting bigger, longer, and more interesting. I might not use all of them correctly, and that’s a shame. Another of my defense mechanisms. When I’m invisible, I try to make people notice me by proving that I’m smart. I don’t need to. They either know that I’m smart, or they don’t. If they don’t, I can’t prove it to them by making them feel inadequate. They just won’t like me that way, which basically defeats the whole purpose.
“So, how’d you get the patch?” Oh, man, please tell me that wasn’t my voice.
He and Dawn shared a look, and I felt my stomach drop a little lower. “I had an accident. Wasn’t hurt, except for the eye.”
“Wow, that was lucky. I mean, not lucky, since you lost an eye, but still lucky, since you weren’t hurt beyond that.” Talent for babbling, I told you.
“Wow, you could give Will a run for her money in the babbling arena.” He was smiling. At least he was smiling. And what a smile.
“Defense mechanism. I have a lot of those. If anyone got mad at me, I could babble, and they’d find it cute, and not be mad. Either that, or get more irritated. It was my way of getting people to smile. Now I have no idea how to turn it off, and words just keep coming out of my mouth. You’d think I’d be able to keep my mouth closed, and that would stop it, but somehow, it never works.” Like now.
He and Dawn are laughing. Not at me, I can tell. I told you, I can make snap judgments. One of those is when someone’s laughing at me, or making fun of me to be mean. It’s a feeling in the air, or something. I can’t explain it. I just know. I’m perceptive about some things, and oblivious to others.
He stood and stretched. “Well, I should let you two get back to your studying. What is it again?”
“I’m learning how to do algebra. My mom taught me how, and … well, she’s better at math than she thinks she is. She has to be, since she’s a nurse. But because she thought she couldn’t teach me, she couldn’t. Self fulfilling prophecy, and all that. So I wound up screwed in the math department of life.”
“Math, the bane of my existence. That’s why I never went to class.”
“And why you would have flunked, if Will hadn’t let you copy her homework.” Dawn reminded him.
“Good point. Flunking bad. I’m all for not flunking.”
“You and me both. It’s my goal to graduate with a 4.0. Long as I don’t screw up on the tests, I’ll make it. Only way to make sure I don’t screw up on the test, is to keep doing the formulas. Time limit, and all that.”
“Good luck with that. I’m heading out on patrol.” Dawn glared at him. “I mean, I’m heading out with some of the girls. It was nice meeting you, Roni.” I agreed, and he left, with Dawn still glaring at him.
As soon as he was through the door, I whimpered and banged my head against the table. “Stupid idiot.” Dawn grabbed my head and made me stop banging. It was probably giving her a headache. I know it was giving me one. Funny how that works.
“What’s going on? I’ve never seen you like that.”
“Yeah, that’s because you’ve never seen me try to converse with a hot guy. I generally don’t, for this reason.”
A grin spread across her face. “Xander made you freak out?”
“Butterflies in the stomach, throat, and flying out of my mouth, and everything.” I admitted. “I always do this. I meet a guy, I either don’t talk enough, or I talk too much, and I wind up as the younger brother they never had. Or as one guy put it, the younger brother they never had, except I’m older.”
“You grew up as one of the guys, didn’t you?” She took another shot of vodka.
“Yup. Climbing trees, climbing roofs, playing football, the whole nine yards. There weren’t a lot of girls in most of my neighborhoods, and my brother and I had active imaginations. He didn’t want to do the girly things, so we wound up doing the guy-type things. Most of my friends were guys, simply because … well, I didn’t like a lot of the girls I knew. I guess I saw them as competition, to be honest. So, to impress the guys, I did more of the football and climbing things. And found myself firmly implanted in the guy zone. At this point, I’m not exactly sure how to be an actual girl.”
“You’re a girl. You don’t have to do the girly things to be a girl. Look at Buffy. She’s a great fighter, and she’s a girl. ’Course, besides the fighting, she’s a girly girl. But still. Point is, just by being, you know, female, you’re a girl. And if any guy tells you otherwise, punch them in the nose.”
Okay, now I really was feeling like a girl, and had too much alcohol to fight back the urge to ask, so the words were out of my mouth without a second thought. Yeah, like alcohol has ever stopped me from asking this. “Do you think that maybe Xander might … kinda sorta … possibly ever go for a girl like me?”
“I think he’d be a moron not to. Then again, he’s never noticed me, either, except in the little sister capacity.” She shrugged.
“That seals it then. I have no chance.” I shrugged morosely, and had another shot of vodka.
There. Experiment over.
Oh, and my Faith/Xander present for
aadler, bastardsnow, and nemo_gravis is done.