When I approach a remix, my first act is to go read the original story, so I can assess how closely the remix follows and how creatively it varies from the source material. The one by Kathryn (kerravonsen) was entertaining and carried the flavor of the characters as we know them; this honors that story, while carrying it so much farther, and doing so beautifully.
The narrative was a huge part of this. At Lemon drop? in the second paragraph, I knew immediately who was telling the story (perfect touch), and the personality consistently came through without ever becoming intrusive.
The device of using each of the five sentences in the introductory paragraph to frame the building flow of events? Imaginative and effective: first tell what happened (is going to happen), and then show it, with the entire course laid out in advance. And this is just about the right length of story to make that work to best effect.
The real pleasure, though, comes from the description of the growing interaction between these two people. The farther it goes, the funnier it gets, building to the concluding conversation that comprised the entirety of “In Truth, Beauty”. Which conversation was, itself, projected from rather than duplicating what kerravonsen wrote. (I cracked up at ‘Bunsen burner’.)
no subject
When I approach a remix, my first act is to go read the original story, so I can assess how closely the remix follows and how creatively it varies from the source material. The one by Kathryn (
The narrative was a huge part of this. At Lemon drop? in the second paragraph, I knew immediately who was telling the story (perfect touch), and the personality consistently came through without ever becoming intrusive.
The device of using each of the five sentences in the introductory paragraph to frame the building flow of events? Imaginative and effective: first tell what happened (is going to happen), and then show it, with the entire course laid out in advance. And this is just about the right length of story to make that work to best effect.
The real pleasure, though, comes from the description of the growing interaction between these two people. The farther it goes, the funnier it gets, building to the concluding conversation that comprised the entirety of “In Truth, Beauty”. Which conversation was, itself, projected from rather than duplicating what
You continue to grow as a writer. It’s wonderful.